I am currently 8 months pregnant, due early June so I am on the last stretch and the home run is in sight! Phew. I want to write a totally honest post about how I feel being pregnant second time round, this isn’t going to be a ‘my body is so incredible for growing a human’ type of post, I mean of course it is, but the struggle is real and it hasn’t been totally easy. I know people have it a lot worse than me or can’t have babies so I don’t want to come across as unappreciative but at the same time, I have experienced things which I have had to get through and would like to pass on what I have learnt a long the way.
I wrote a blog on mum guilt recently, see here but this is the guilt I feel with Sophia that she might be missing out on whilst I am pregnant and she is so little. Which is the pure lack of energy that I have had for Sophia – my little bullet. She will run around non-stop for hours and I just physically can’t keep up so have roped in my mum to come twice a week so that she can run around with her and I can still watch from the side lines and be with her. On Tuesdays she has a full day at nursery so I feel she is burning the energy and having fun for most of the week. The other guilt I experienced the other day is when I was feeling so tired and she asked me to pick her up and my mum was there and so I directed her to Grandma and thought gosh, this will be hard when I have a new baby on me and she has to understand that I can’t pick her up too. It’s something I thought long and hard about and thought, I could maybe bend down and say to her “mummy will pick you up but not right now” and I will have to put the new baby in the pram/ cot and then be able to give her attention. I will write an update on this when the new baby is here.
I remember the first time I left the house with a newborn and it was the most daunting thing and now I am like a pro, I don’t even think twice and sometimes Sophia would be on the reins and I would boss it (obviously other times there would be epic meltdowns and I would turn around and carry her home). The saving grace I do have whilst being pregnant is that the type of dog I have loves a lazy day as much as he loves having a crazy running around day, it’s only my child that is like the Jack Russell and needs to get out the house! Tuesdays are rest days for Frank and I while Sophia is at nursery and I take him out for a little stroll in the afternoon and that’s it. When Sophia is with us, I have to put her in the pram while I walk Frank. I make sure when my mum and dad are here that they take Frank out too so that he gets a couple of good walks/runs a week.
My Toddler is my best friend but so damn harsh!
It’s so funny watching new mums now and sometimes I hear “they are not walking yet but so close, he is standing up” excited at the prospect of their child being able to be mobile… I watch over at their babies content in the pram or in their parents arms/sling and actually feel envious! Sophia and I have so much fun together and are always chatting/playing but damn, does she give me any sympathy as I waddle and struggle to bend down? No way! I get “up, up” with her arms out and have to pick her up. I don’t know if she is sensing things as she has never been a clingy baby, far from it and it may be a developmental change but it’s like she knows her time as mummy’s only child is running out. If she wants something like a snack or to take me with her to show me something, it’s now not in 1 second! It does make me laugh when she pulls my arm gritting her teeth and making a strained sound and says “stuck” and I just say “yes, that’s right mummy is stuck!” I wish you could tell them (and they understand) I am growing you a sibling very close in age, you will have a buddy soon, can you give me a little slack back?
Emotions running high.
Obviously toddlers emotions are all over the place and they can go from screaming/winging to laughing and jumping around in a matter of seconds….well, that’s not too different from my current emotions. The best way I can describe how high emotions are running is by giving you a scenario that happened the other day. It was dinner time and Sophia wasn’t eating anything and hadn’t really eaten all day and so I told her quite sternly to eat her food (something which I really feel strongly against and not forcing children to eat in any way as they are programmed to eat food for their own growth rate and only to look at how they are in themselves and she was fine!) so she started to cry and looked at me and said “mummy, mummy up, up” her tears in her eyes with desperation just made me burst into tears and grab her into a warm embrace! She lent back to look at me in shock and wiped away my tears. Yes, I know it’s not ideal for them to see you in tears like that but this pregnancy I have had no choice and it’s very nice to get extra cuddles from a very selfish point of view.
So in conclusion, It has been very different from the first pregnancy and a real challenge in many ways. I think I am just so excited to get this pregnancy over and done with and I hear you thinking “why? because it will be so much easier with a newborn and a toddler? and 0 time for yourself?!”. In a nutshell, yes. I will have my body back, my energy back, I will be able to plan my time for Sophia and the newborn and my emotions will slowly go back to normal as they did the first time so that I can think with a better head on.
Only time will tell so keep an eye for my blog post once the new baby arrives and let’s see if it is easier for me. I am so lucky to have a beautiful baby girl and another on the way so close in age so I think of this when times get difficult.
Hope you enjoyed and please let us know if you are in the same boat and feeling the same or have any good tips too.